Consumed. That's how I feel about teaching right now. So much so that I don't allow myself time to "have a life." I can't even find another topic to write about because the only experiences I have on a daily basis are in the context of education.
I thought reading others' blogs would help me find my voice, my topic of the week. Instead it has illuminated my feelings about teaching and education at this point in history. Instead of tuning into the debate about schools and teachers and achievement during the last month, I have chosen to become consumed with the people who are my students. For better or for worse, I have ignored the public debate about the current state of education, hoping that my daily work would make it all go away. A few years back I started blogging to escape the confines of my building and district to connect with other educators. Now, I wonder if I need to change my blogroll. Because the bitterness and hurt of the public disapproval of the state of education is so far reaching its reaching epidemic proportions. The struggle between becoming consumed by this bitterness and aware of it to direct my daily decisions about how I participate in public discourse, has crept into my consciousness.
I need a way out. I need to escape. Next week, when my students come into our room on Monday they need a leader with a vision, not a defeated, frustrated, burned out victim of the system. Let's hope that the next 24-48 hours can bring renewal, new questions, time with others who inspire me and push me forward, through the murky, dense noise of negativity.